This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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