life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
