I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
