Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
