i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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