I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
