You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
