Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
