At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
