I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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