im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
