Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
