did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
