I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
