There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
