Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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