i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
