he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
