Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
