How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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