Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
