Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
