My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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