i just had sex bonerless
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
