Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
