I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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