we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She announced her abortion via fbk
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
