I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
