Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
