I don't usually arrange sex via text message
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
