he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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