He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
