so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
