After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
