There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
