Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
