i just wanna soil my oats bro
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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