forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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