I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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