He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
