btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize