is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
