why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
