hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize