If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
