How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
