I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
