Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
