id be glad to
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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