so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
