is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
