pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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