you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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