What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
