He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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