Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
