had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
