i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
