Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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