Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
