Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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