just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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