Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
