There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
