and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how can u be prego again
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
