What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
