So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
