just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize