his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
