went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
