gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
