sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That accounts for only three of the penises
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
